Funny Quotations

"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
-- Albert Einstein

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
-- Dean Martin

"I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!"
-- Yogi Berra

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
-- Albert Einstein

"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning."
-- Anonymous.

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!"
-- Yogi Berra

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,"
-- Calvin

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed."
-- Albert Einstein

"I can resist everything except temptation."
-- Oscar Wilde

"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."
-- Noelie Altito

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
-- Whitney Brown

"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life."
-- Tommy Lasorda

"I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife."
-- Anonymous.

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."
-- Anonymous.


Funny quotes on Marriage ……………

"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway."

"Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy."

"Marriage ??. It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and women gains her masters."

"Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock."

"Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering."

"A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes."

"A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband."

"In Marraige, there is only one time when a husband is right and that is when he says HE HAS DONE A MISTAKE"

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."